Powder Dry

Couch-surfing my way through August, with more than a few places to stay, it turned out the most out-of-the-way location was the most enjoyable. Makes me regret not going there sooner.

For this public blog, I am going to confine my remarks to my own life and thoughts, and try to leave my host out of it.

For comfort level and fitting well with a pre-existing family, I’m reminded of my California experience. But, in California, I learned being a surrogate family member isn’t quite the same as truly belonging. Like “Alice” on the “Brady Bunch,” she may be treated like family, but she’s still the help. And while my quasi-relationship with California-dream-girl was quirky fun, it was not as fulfilling as a genuine reciprocal relationship. I pulled the pin in California before giving things a chance to run their course, and I daydream about what might’ve evolved, but in the end, I must admit things probably wouldn’t have improved, I would’ve remained frustrated.

And I learned even more about trying to pound a square peg in a round hole from my Angel experience. Star-crossed lovers are fascinating in the abstract, not so fascinating in the trenches. Listening better and being smarter. If I hear the words “just friends,”  “I don’t think of you that way,” or the blunt Angel classic, “you disgust me,” it’s time to let go and move on.

I am proud of myself for keeping my powder dry about my attractive host during the entire stay. Proof I am listening better. Not just controlling the things I say or do, but exercising control over the emotions behind the behavior. Bruce Lee paraphrase (from Tao?): control emotion or it may control you.

Diedre starts school on Tuesday and we move back to St. Cloud anew. A new chapter begins and one short but sweet chapter closes.


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